Mad Men Live Blog: Season 5, Episode 9 – “Dark Shadows”

Final score: Peyton List wins the night! She’ll end up with two Manhattan apartments, a nice divorce settlement with Roger, and a new beau in the Manischewitz heir in the next few months.

Photo from AMCTV.com – Mad Men Episode 509

The big bombshell of the night was JJ’s announcement to Sally about Anna Draper. Sally was upset for a while, then didn’t care. So if that’s it for the night’s fireworks, what advanced? Pete whined, MICHAEL GINSBERG now has his boss Don as a mortal enemy, and Joan lost the bottle red race with Megan’s actress friend. Otherwise, tonight was just a blip. I want more meat next week.

Speaking of meat, I’m off to finish up a 5,000 word paper. This blog is about 1,500 words — maybe I can paste it as an appendix! See you next week.

11:02 pm: JJ is at Thanksgiving and says, “I’m thankful that I have everything I want.” Of course, she refers to the sole Brussels sprout on her plate.

11:00 pm: Peyton List is having second thoughts about hooking up with her husband in her new apartment. Roger now needs to buy her a new apartment. Real estate in the 1960s was much cheaper.

10:59 pm: MICHAEL GINSBERG and Don are now in the elevator together, and MICHAEL GINSBERG is furious at Don for hiding his idea. MICHAEL GINSBERG: “I feel bad for you.” Don: “I don’t think about you at all.”

10:58 pm: Peyton List to Roger: “Roger, wait.” Roger to Peyton List: “What?” Thus goes 1960s banter.

10:57 pm: Peyton List and Roger are celebrating a successful pitch dinner to Manischewitz. By celebrating, I mean they’re going to hook up.

10:56 pm: MICHAEL GINSBERG is upset that Don left his idea in the cab. I am upset that Tesla is advertising on Mad Men after its own government loan.

10:49 pm: Roger is with the Manischewitz people. The Manischewitz heir (30s, MBA-type) is into Peyton List. The Manischewitz patriarch and matriarch are into MICHAEL GINSBERG’s ad idea.

10:48 pm: Don has decided to jeopardize the Snoball account because he is petty and self-conscious. Um, have we met Don Draper?

10:46 pm: Peggy is complaining to Roger that he is “not loyal.” Um, has she met Roger Sterling?

10:44 pm: Pete calls Don at home on a Sunday morning to whine about the NYT Magazine article because it doesn’t mention SCDP. Don is decidedly ambivalent.

10:41 pm: It’s commercial time again and FedEx is shipping packages to the forest. Not a growth industry.

10:39 pm: Peggy and MICHAEL GINSBERG are at the office late. I gotta say…Peggy’s looking good!

10:38 pm: Megan tells Don that JJ told Sally about Anna. It’s like a game of telephone, only with the threat of military prison.

10:37 pm: Weight Watchers lady: “We should fill ourselves with our children.” This is not how to lose weight!

10:35 pm: Sally talks with Megan about Anna Draper. Megan sounds very Canadian with her response, which politely addresses Don’s identity theft by talking about the way “things used to be.”

10:34 pm: Every single person loves MICHAEL GINSBERG’s Snoball better than Don’s Snoball. Even Don, in his heart, loves it more.

10:33 pm: JJ just told Sally about Anna Draper! Seriously? Don could get ARRESTED for that!

10:32 pm: Boy Child Draper drew a picture of a whale getting harpooned. Know what that means? Brass Bonanza! Go Whalers!

10:30 pm: Alexis Bledel is at SCDP to have the adult party time with Pete. She was excited because Pete was in the New York Times Sunday magazine. Then, Pete woke up. I think there are a lot of Madison Avenue folks who have that exact same dream today.

10:28 pm: Peyton List is back because Roger needs a dinner date. In exchange for dinner, Peyton List wants a new apartment. Real estate was much cheaper in the 1960s.

10:27 pm: “And it feels like I’m just too close to love you. There’s nothing I can really say. I can’t lie no more. I can’t hide no more. Got to be true to myself.” Therefore, download Bing. QED.

10:26 pm: Commercial time. Chrysler is talking about a father and son gambling. It’s good to hear a company that took so much of our taxpayer money talk about gambling. One point three billion. Dollars. I’d rather import a tax refund from Detroit.

10:23 pm: Henry Francis realizes he joined the wrong political campaign in the 1960s and blah, blah, blah. JJ comforts Henry Francis by reciting some gibberish from her Weight Watchers meeting. Henry Francis smiles, realizing that his decision-making can only improve after bottoming out with JJ.

10:22 pm: Roger is again paying out-of-pocket for some creative work on the side, this time courtesy of MICHAEL GINSBERG. Did the IRS not exist in the 1960s?

10:21 pm: Roger is talking with MICHAEL GINSBERG about his Manischewitz wine meeting, at which he makes three separate insults about the Jewish faith. MICHAEL GINSBERG is unfazed because MICHAEL GINSBERG is self-effacing.

10:20 pm: Megan is unapologetic about marrying a rich man. I would be, too.

10:19 pm: Megan is reading a script for “Dark Shadows” with her acting school friend, who’s apparently spent all her tips on her bottle red hair.

10:17 pm: JJ is at her Weight Watchers meeting circa 1966. The ladies are all getting weighed in public while wearing full wardrobes. And since it was the 1960s, everyone’s wearing about ten pounds of clothing.

Anyway, JJ had a bad week because she saw how hot Megan looked. Waah.

10:15 pm: If your entire life is online, why does it matter where you live?

10:13 pm: Don is sad and old. Roger is sad and old. JJ is sad and fat. Henry Francis is sad and henpecked. Peggy is sad and stifled. Pete is sad and emasculated. Only MICHAEL GINSBERG remains pure.

10:11 pm: MICHAEL GINSBERG is kicking Peggy’s butt at the Snoball brainstorming meeting. MICHAEL GINSBERG then proceeds to also kick Don’s butt. The problem here is that Jon Hamm is perfect in real life, so it’s hard to believe that he’d lose creatively to MICHAEL GINSBERG.

10:10 pm: JJ chugged some whipped cream and then spit it out. This isn’t even a plot point. It’s just another day in the life of JJ.

10:09 pm: Don is still at the office, apparently trying to one-up the level Snoball jokes in his underling’s file folder. He is failing because he is Old. Not old. “Old”.

10:07 pm: JJ is at Don’s apartment to pick up her kids, and she’s walking around. She already looks thinner, but not nearly as thin as Megan, who’s decided to change right in front of an open window. Megan is young and vibrant, and JJ has always been awful, fat suit or no.

10:06 pm: Don find the “S— I Gotta Do” file folder of someone, and the work looks like MICHAEL GINSBERG’s! It’s funny, so I’m assuming it’s not Megan’s old file folder. Is it Peggy’s, maybe?

10:05 pm: OK, there’s no way that Jessica Pare continues as Megan after the season’s over, unfortunately. She was at her best in the office environment. Her acting partner is Sally Draper now.

10:04 pm: Roger to Bert Cooper: “How Jewish are they?” This was relevant directly to the discussion they were having, but Roger could really say this at any time.

10:03 pm: Don is reviewing the year’s past ad products for the magazine and sees MICHAEL GINSBERG’s name on most of the campaigns. Whither Peggy? MICHAEL GINSBERG is industrious.

10:02 pm: Pete got SCDP into a magazine about “hip” ad agencies. Because Pete is hip.

10:01 pm: Looks like January Jones is back and on a diet. She’s eating burnt toast and cheese, it appears. Carbs and fat.

10:00 pm: Alexis Bledel is in the intro for tonight’s episode! How does Pete really get both Alison Brie and Alexis Bledel?

9:57 pm: And it’s the end of The Killing, where the only things getting killed are smiles.

9:54 pm: Now that AMC’s paid money to the Beatles, it’s on to paying Art Wallace and/or Tim Burton to use the “Dark Shadows” title. Don Draper will need all the money he can get now that Megan’s no longer working for a living (even though it was actually his company that was paying her).

In other news from last week, Pete’s emasculation train came to a stop at Alexis Bledel, who for some reason found him attractive. Maybe she’s into frat boys from Dartmouth. By the way, what self-respecting fraternity would admit Pete Campbell? Why did he attend Dartmouth and not Princeton or Columbia? He’s really going to drive up to New Hampshire and hang out there every winter? He hates Cos Cob because it’s too rural.

Anyway, it’s time to forget about Pete Campbell. This week is apparently a Sally Draper week, and as there’s no Celtics game tonight to distract us, it looks like she’s our entertainment for the night. Let’s go, Kings!

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