Mad Men Live Blog: Season 5, Episode 13 – “The Phantom”

Mad Men Episode 513 (AMCTV.com)

Final score: Megan Draper inexplicably wins Season 5. Who saw that coming? Megan has a rich husband in Don Draper and a nascent career as an actress, all while avoiding becoming another Betty Draper.

[You can read my full live blog for Episode 513 below, starting from 10pm Eastern through 11:02pm Eastern.]

We saw all that coming. The surprise was her contribution to Don’s morality and business, both of which make Don complete. Megan added value to Don in a way that Betty never cared to contribute. For that reason, Megan Draper wins the season.

But can Megan stay out of the Betty zone? Megan was cast in a commercial because of Don’s connections, as was Betty. Megan made a plaintive wail about how she lived for Don’s love, as did Betty. Sally Draper stopped trusting Megan, as she did with Betty.

So what keeps Megan from becoming Betty? First, Don’s respect for Megan is substantially higher than his respect for Betty. Don never really believed that Betty was a partner, but merely just a prop. Megan has held her own in front of Don’s clients and helped him win business, and Don must admire her assertiveness in asking for the role in his commercial. Second, Megan is ambitious. She wants more than to be Don’s pet, while that’s all Betty ever really wanted. Even if Betty were born a decade later, she doesn’t have Megan’s drive. Third, Megan is outspoken. She comes from a loud family, so she’s loud, but productively loud. Where Betty shut down and sought to shut her kids and family down, Megan looks to engage. She wants to be a part of the discussion.

Now, Megan needs to keep Don on the moral path. Don became the series’ moral center in Season 5, largely due to Peggy’s work departure and Joan’s moral departure. Season 5 ends on a cliffhanger of whether Don will go back to his cheating ways. I believe that Megan’s drive will be enough to keep him in line while he builds SCDP into the big firm he was born to lead.

Thanks for joining my Mad Men live blogs this season! See you for Season 6!

11:02pm: Season 5 ends as follows:

Don on the set of Megan’s commercial, first wishing her well, then walking off into an empty room and eventually into a bar.
Peggy watches two dogs mate.
Pete listens to music while wearing headphones, because he’s already made enough women cry for one night.
Roger stands naked before a window looking onto New York. He’s on LSD!
Back to Don’s bar, where he’s propositioned by two young women, because they want nothing more in New York than an aging ad man.

Don wins this round.

11:01pm: The partners look at SCDP’s new office space. It could have been an iconic photo for Season 5, but instead will be the promo photo for Season 6, assuming no one dies in the next two minutes.

11:00pm: Like Season 4, this season seems like it’ll end with the penultimate episode having more action than the finale.

10:59pm: Don notices that Megan’s commercial audition reel lists her name as “Megan Calvet.”

10:58pm: Trudy Campbell to Pete: “I can’t live like this.” Translation: Pete gets an apartment in New York. He’s like Don Draper as a 30-year old, only with less hair.

10:57pm: It’s a preview of Season 5 of Breaking Bad! Walter to Saul: “We’re done when I say we’re done.” Yes!

10:55pm: Commercial break. It’s Season 2 of the new iteration of Dallas, which is a mildly better idea than another season of The Pitch.

10:53pm: Pete also gets punched out by the train conductor after giving him a 1960s’ version of the “educated loudmouth” speech. Pete’s just getting punched by everyone this year.

10:52pm: Pete and Alexis Bledel’s husband fight on the train back to Connecticut. As usual, Pete loses the fight.

10:51pm: Peggy tells Don that she’s going “on a plane” to visit the cigarette factory in Richmond, Virginia. That’s not a train ride?

10:50pm: Don goes to the movie theater after his dentist appoint and finds Peggy Olson in the seats. Don asks Peggy how she likes her new job, and she says it’s great. Oh, they’re just old friends at the movies together.

10:48pm: Pete’s going on a long speech here about his life to post-electroshock Alexis Bledel, who appears to care more for shiny lights than anything Pete’s saying. Pete’s speech is typically woeful, and he calls his life “a temporary bandage on a permanent wound.” Maybe he’s going to join Lane soon.

10:47pm: Pete goes to visit Alexis Bledel at the hospital, though whether it’s pre- or post-shock is uncertain. She’s forgotten their tryst at the Hotel Pennsylvania, but that could be either from the electroshock or from Pete’s performance.

10:46pm: Don’s half-brother Adam appears to Don as a vision at the dentist’s office with a rope burn around his neck.

10:45pm: Don is finally at the dentist’s office. Will he get found out as Dick Whitman at the dentist’s office?

10:44pm: Megan’s mom tells Don that Megan is not an artist. Well, she says it as “not an ar-teeee-st,” but the message remains.

10:43pm: Megan evokes Betty Draper by telling Don that he’s all she lives for. She’s dangerously close to Jessica Pare territory again.

10:42pm: Back to the episode. Megan is drunk at home, alone, by the time Don returns. Don’s tooth hurts too much for him to kiss her.

10:41pm: A Mad Men-style ad for Turn, an online ad network, showed a jealous wife/girlfriend shooting at her husband/boyfriend and his new lady friend. Very dark for a commercial, but hey, so is Mad Men.

10:40pm: Twenty minutes left in this Mad Men season. Why does it feel like someone’s about to quit or die or both?

10:39pm: Commercial break. There’s a Bing ad that implies that my friends will lead me to finding a great rental property. I can see the search ad for a time-share right through the TV screen.

10:37pm: Roger to Megan’s mom: “Stop being demure. You’re already on the bed.” In other news, Roger asks Megan’s mom to take LSD with him. Megan’s mom tells Roger that she won’t take care of him emotionally. Just emotionally.

10:36pm: Pete arrives home after his afternoon with Alexis Bledel and immediately makes his baby cry. Women everywhere hate Pete.

10:34pm: Mrs. Pryce yells at Don for “filling a man like that with ambition.” She also yells at Don for only offering her a $50,000 payout ($350,000 in 2012 terms). So, the whole condolences thing didn’t work out well.

10:33pm: Don stops by Mrs. Pryce’s apartment to offer his condolences. Mrs. Pryce to Don: “We’re not ones to wallow.” Stoic.

10:32pm: Back to the episode. Megan’s mother calls Megan’s attempted acting career “a phantom.” She then curses at her in French and storms out. Montreal’s still awesome.

10:31pm: I’m still marveling over the size of Lane Pryce’s insurance payout. Given his limited value to the firm, it’s a shock he earned that much in death.

10:28pm: It’s another commercial time. Don’s tooth still hurts, so we’ll be on the lookout for a good local dentist.

10:26pm: Joan is talking with Don about Lane’s death benefit payable to SCDP: $175,000, or $1.2 million in 2012 terms, according to Dollar Times. Wow! Lane is more profitable in death than in life.

10:25pm: It’s morning at SCDP and Don sees his dead half-brother again, working at a drafting table.

10:23pm: Roger calls Chez Draper and asks for Megan’s mother. Remember what Sally Draper learned about the birds and the bees at the Codfish Ball? Yep, that’s coming up again.

10:22pm: Don to Megan: “You want to be someone’s discovery. You don’t want to be someone’s wife.”

10:20pm: Back to Chez Draper. Megan attempts to get Don to hire her actress friend the gig in SCDP’s shoe commercial. No, just kidding. Megan asks Don to cast herself in the commercial. This could be Megan’s decline back to being called Jessica Pare, so let’s be careful here.

10:15pm: Commercial break, and there’s an ad for Superman Strikes Back or whatever the series re-boot is called. Denis Leary plays a police chief, and he’s got a great temperament for a bureaucrat.

10:14pm: Was that just the “brief” in the brief nudity? We’re back at the Hotel Pennsylvania, where Alexis Bledel and Pete are being their same miserable selves after sleeping together. She keeps calling him “Peter” for some reason. Anyway, Peter invites Alexis Bledel to Los Angeles because he’s ready to blow up his current life, and she declines like every other woman does.

10:13pm: Back to Chez Draper. Megan and her actress friend (who looks like Ivanka Trump) are hanging out at her apartment, looking at listings for actresses. The actress friend wants an in with SCDP because they’re casting for a role that she’d fit well, Megan says she’ll put in a good word with Don, and the friend then kisses Megan right on the lips. Montreal is awesome.

10:11pm: Before her electroshock therapy, Alexis Bledel begs Pete to give her “this” (yes, “this” is that), and Pete complies. Let’s hope she’s not like Claire Danes in Homeland, just to remember how wimpy Pete is.

10:09pm: Alexis Bledel welcomes Pete to the hotel room, and Pete is petulant, which is just typical Pete, blowing a chance with a lady because he’s a wimp. Alexis Bledel is in New York to get electroshock therapy, which is totally normal for the 1960s.

10:08pm: At the next partners’ meeting, Joan presents a sunny view of SCDP, despite the fact that Lane is, well, dead. No one thinks to mention it. Lane is gone and forgotten.

10:07pm: Peggy is with Ted Chaough at her new gig, wearing a hideous dress. Just sayin’. Anyway, Ted Chaough says that she should be able to write for women because she’s a woman.

10:06pm: Pete Campbell gets a call from Alexis Bledel and asks him to meet her at the Hotel Pennsylvania. Hmm.

10:05pm: MICHAEL GINSBERG is attempting to convince the creative team that it’s OK for Topaz panty hose to be viewed as cheap. The Topaz guy makes a racist remark about Dawn. MICHAEL GINSBERG is clearly not a woman and therefore does not understand panty hose. Didn’t he go to college?

10:04pm: Don arrives at work and thinks that he sees Adam (his brother) in the elevator on the way down. Note that Adam is supposed to be dead.

10:03pm: Pete Campbell is on the train with Alexis Bledel and his creepy life-insurance salesman husband. He grabs at her scarves before she walks to the smoking car. Creepy.

10:02pm: Don’s toothache might come from Megan’s mother, who’s staying at Chez Draper for an indefinite period.

10:01pm: Don Draper has a toothache to start the show. Megan comes into the apartment with something that looks like CDs.

10:00pm: Tonight’s Mad Men episode promises “brief nudity.” I’m guessing it’s from Bert Cooper.

9:59pm: It’s Mad Men time!

9:58pm: The equivalent of Pete Campbell on The Killing is now a prime suspect in, well, the killing. Why is it called The Killing? Why not The Murder or The Show that Prevents AMC from Showing a Replay of Last Week’s Mad Men?

9:53pm: The Mad Men season finale is less than 10 minutes away! In other news, it’s still raining in Seattle on The Killing. I want to become more emotionally invested in The Killing‘s storyline, but Lane Pryce’s departure last week from Mad Men trumps the relevance of a random in a Washington state casino.

9:46pm: Each of the mayoral candidates on The Killing has a huge staff. The city councilor candidate has had the same campaign team for years, following with him up to his mayoral race. How does Seattle, a city of 600,000 people, have enough money for each candidate to afford a contingent in the teens?

9:45pm: The Killing just had a major plot breakthrough at a valet parking station. If this were Mad Men, the valet lot would be at one of those New York lots with the car elevator, just so Don could look down the elevator shaft and contemplate his mortality. On The Killing, we get a cop that tells the valet attendant to avoid a run-in with the “po-po.”

9:34pm: While waiting for the Mad Men season finale, we’re watching Part 1 of The Killing‘s season finale. Or, alternately, the penultimate episode of The Killing‘s season. If a season finale is two 1-hour episodes, split into two separate airings, then only the second hour is the season finale.

Anyway, on The Killing, it’s now Election Day in rainy Seattle. The title incident of The Killing occurred about a month before the election, the incident is related somehow to both candidates in Seattle’s mayoral election, and two Seattle detectives have dedicated the greater part of that month to solving the crime. Does Seattle’s city government have that much money to spend on solving one murder? And would a mayoral candidate in Seattle be involved in that type of crime? Seattle’s current mayor ran the state’s Sierra Club branch, while the candidates in The Killing are involved with the mob.

9:05pm: Don Draper could end this season finale as the only moral character on Mad Men. Joan Harris, arguably the moral center of the show, sold herself for a little bit of SCDP. Peggy Olson quit, hopefully not for the remainder of the series. Lane Pryce took the easy way out after Don discovered his embezzlement. Pete Campbell got knocked out by the same guy who took the easy way out, so any shred of hope is gone from his life. Roger and Bert are checked out, and Bert shouldn’t even be in the series at this point. Don’s the only one left who’s worth saving.

Tonight’s episode is titled “The Phantom,” which could refer to the Rolls-Royce Phantom that launched its sixth edition life in 1968. The title could also refer to the Dick Whitman phantom that’s followed Don ever since Season 1. Or, perhaps, the writers of Mad Men are all fans of the Steel Phantom, the greatest roller coaster ever.

How does Season 5 rank in Mad Men lore? My sort order is Seasons 1, 4, 2, and 3 in the rear. Season 5 has had more shark-jumping that any other season, but it could be due to Matthew Weiner’s need to wrap up the series soon. If only the series can live on in fan fiction, with Joan’s departure from morality removed.

It’s an exciting night! See you for the Mad Men season finale tonight at 10pm.

06.03.12

by Michael R. Hall

Mad Men Live Blog: Season 5, Episode 12 – “Commissions and Fees”

Mad Men Episode 512 – AMCtv.com

Final score: Don Draper wins the night by asking for Lane Pryce’s resignation. In Season 5, Don is Mr. Integrity, which is a perplexing byproduct of marrying Megan. Don is responsible for SCDP and not responsible for how Lane reacted to getting fired. While Don may feel sadness about Lane’s death, he should feel no liability.

[You can page down for the play-by-play or read my review of the night starting here.]

With Lane’s departure, the biggest question in the season finale next week is who takes Lane’s place at the agency. Joan can probably handle most of the finance and accounting of the firm, and she is now a partner, so does SCDP become SCDH? Even that acronym sounds like a better fit for the show.

Lane was a vestige of the British invasion story line from Seasons 2-3. That plot line was contrived, as was Lane’s decision to jump to the new company. He extended himself without redefining himself, and he paid the price.

Lane Pryce’s character was weak. He won’t be missed. His departure is the right move for Mad Men heading into the Season 5 finale.

Thanks for joining me! See you next week for Mad Men‘s Season 5 finale.

11:03pm: While taking Matthew Weiner’s creepy son back to school, Don asks him what he’d do if he could do anything. The answer: drive Don’s car. Given Lane’s attempt to drive drunk earlier, Glen is the safest driver in tonight’s episode.

11:00pm: The SCDP crew, despite being told by the police not to disturb Lane’s body, have disturbed Lane’s body. They also take a note on his body, which is just a simple resignation letter. Lane can’t even do goodbyes right.

10:59pm: Don, Roger, and Pete break into Lane’s office and see his body hanging from the ceiling. Considering Sally’s maturation into womanhood earlier, this is the second-worst visual on Mad Men tonight.

10:58pm: Bert Cooper informs Don and Roger that Lane Pryce hanged himself.

10:57pm: JJ and Sally Draper, something, something. Lane’s dead!

10:56pm: Lane appears to have died. So who gets his racing green Jaguar?

10:55pm: Joan: “I think something’s terribly wrong in Mr. Pryce’s office.” A little understated, but she’s not a copy editor, so…

10:54pm: Joan attempts to get in Lane’s office, but it’s blocked by a chair.

10:53pm: Another Mad Men commercial break observation: We’re getting a Foxwoods ad in New England, and it sure makes gambling seem like the avocation of young, pretty people. That’s exactly how I remember Foxwoods at 11am on a Monday morning.

10:51pm: Off-topic during the commercial break: Bing search is now positioned as how “search goes social.” But what if my group of friends all use Google for search and Facebook for social? Do we really want another layer in between us and information?

10:49pm: JJ triumphantly calls Megan and celebrates Sally’s period, stating that “she just needed her mother.” Actually, JJ, Sally needed any female authority figure, and Megan was out at auditions, so you continue to be her second choice.

10:48pm: Sally heads back to JJ and Henry Francis after getting her period. She takes a cab back from Manhattan at a $25 fare, which is $171.48 in 2012 dollars per Dollar Times, my favorite inflation calculator.

10:47pm: Don to Dow Corning: “What is happiness? It’s a moment before you need more happiness.” So…why be happy?

10:46pm: Don to Dow Corning: success is temporary. As evidence, he cites the Vietnam War. This is a good start at a pitch meeting.

10:45pm: Ken’s father-in-law is taking Don to the woodshed in his Dow Corning meeting for his anti-tobacco letter.

10:42pm: Hey, it’s an Audi commercial. I’m guessing Jaguar didn’t want to advertise after Lane’s failed effort to start the car.

10:40pm: Sally is becoming a lady in the museum’s ladies’ room, and AMC decided we should see visual evidence of her maturation. Not necessary.

10:39pm: Matthew Weiner’s creepy son is less creepy and more boring. He just called Sally a “little sister.” Borrrrr-innnnng.

10:38pm: So Sally and Matthew Weiner’s creepy son, two teenagers interested in each other, alone in an apartment, decide to leave and go to a museum. Courtship was different in the 1960s.

10:37pm: It’s Monday morning and everyone’s getting ready for meetings. Sally’s meeting Matthew Weiner’s creepy son, Don and Roger are meeting Dow Corning, and Megan is meeting rejection at her next audition.

10:36pm: Lane goes into the office late on Sunday night to type a letter. Perhaps it’s his suicide note?

10:35pm: Sally Draper invites Matthew Weiner’s creepy son to Don and Megan’s apartment in the city. I sense an educational opportunity.

10:34pm: Lane’s trying to off himself inside his Jaguar through carbon monoxide poisoning, but he can’t get the Jaguar to start. He can’t even succeed in killing himself.

10:33pm: Sally Draper just poured a metric ton of sugar into her coffee.

10:32pm: Laura on Megan’s makeup: “She doesn’t look good with a skin-tone lipstick.” I confirm.

10:31pm: Lane is sober now on Sunday morning after getting drunk two days in a row. I think it’s Sunday. I’m as sure as Lane is of the date.

10:30pm: Commercial break. John Malkovich loves Portuguese sausage. This and many other insights, courtesy of Siri.

10:28pm: Lane vomits in the parking garage, due to some combination of alcohol abuse and financial abuse. Lane’s wife appears to still give him the keys.

10:27pm: Lane’s wife bought a Jaguar? And she’s giving her clearly inebriated husband the keys to the car?

10:26pm: Lane returns home to see his wife waiting on him for dinner. Can Lane even afford to go to dinner?

10:25pm: Megan complains to Don about how awful a person he is. Don responds by telling Megan that he had to fire Lane, mainly because Lane is a worse person than Don is.

10:24pm: Don arrives home to Sally on his couch, watching TV. Why does Don work? Does he even care about his family? He just let Sally cancel school because his meeting’s more important. Again, parenting in the 1960s is complicated.

10:23pm: Ken to Roger: “I don’t want a partnership. I’ve seen what’s involved with it.” But beyond that, he won’t stand in the way of SCDP getting the business of Ken’s father-in-law.

10:22pm: In lieu of firing Ken, Roger attempts to get him out of the way by asking him not to pick up the phone when his father-in-law picks up the phone.

10:21pm: Sally lands on Megan’s doorstep. Megan is nervous.

10:20pm: Don tells Roger to fire Ken Cosgrove if he won’t leverage his family for SCDP’s benefit.

10:19pm: Roger to Don: “You used to love “no.” “No” used to get you…[motivated?].”

10:18pm: Don to Roger: “I don’t want Jaguar, I want Chevy.” I prefer Ford.

10:17pm: Hey, it’s http://keepamc.com right before the Mad Men break. Interesting.

10:15pm: Is Lane going to jump out the window? I’ve always wanted to use “defenestrate” in a entertainment context.

10:14pm: Lane makes a lewd comment to Joan, because now he can.

10:13pm: Wow, no commercial break? That was too tense.

10:12pm: Don to Lane: “I’ve started over a lot.” It’s easier to start over when you invent a storyline, of course.

10:11pm: Lane to Don: “What will I tell my wife?” Well, hold on now — doesn’t Lane’s wife hate America and want to return to England? This works well for everyone! And Don will cover the amount that Lane embezzled. This is a tidy bow.

10:10pm: Lane to Don, angrily: “I have operated on a loss for three years!” Don to Lane: “I can’t trust you.”

10:09pm: Don asks for Lane’s resignation. Don to Lane: “You embezzled funds and you forged my signature.” Well…yep. Lane is now crying.

10:08pm: Don and Lane are now speaking about the embezzlement. Lane denies that he embezzled it initially, but Don is a good liar and therefore knows a good liar. Don asks Lane repeatedly if the check is the only one, and Lane fires back by stating that the Christmas bonus cancellation “was his money.”

10:07pm: The bomb drops! Bert Cooper, of all people, discovers Lane’s embezzlement and assumes that Don gave him a Christmas bonus. Here we go!

10:05pm: Sally Draper is arguing with January Jones about wearing sweaty boots. JJ threatens to lock Sally in a trunk, then calls Don and asks for permission to strangle her. Parenting in the 60s was complicated.

10:04pm: The SCDP partners are meeting sans danish, then start discussing whether they’re willing to switch their payment structure. The danish would have made the discussion more interesting.

10:03pm: Lane is about to get an unpaid position as the financial lead for a professional association (the 4 As?). He’s successfully embezzled before, so here’s another chance!

10:01pm: Don meets a rival at the barbershop. The rival praises Don for winning the Jaguar account, but fails to mention the real winner – Don’s hair.

10:00pm: It’s time for Mad Men! Let’s see who sells out this week.

9:57pm: In more predictions about The Killing, I bet the killer is the Canadian who was on Tilt, ESPN’s hit poker drama in 2005. Tilt‘s tagline: “You’re playing poker. They’re playing you.” I usually play blackjack.

9:54pm: I’ve now been briefed on the plot of The Killing and I’ve learned that Duck Phillips did the right thing by letting Detectives Mr. and Mrs. Killing check in the key evidence. This makes up for the his behavior at the Clios.

9:50pm: Duck Phillips is on The Killing! He’s gone from being an alcoholic ad man in New York to a police lieutenant in Seattle. Is that an upgrade?

9:41pm: The shark jumps back in the water this week on Mad Men. Joan Harris has returned back to the office, with gossip abounding about why she received her partnership. Of course, if someone else were on the receiving end of a partnership, Joan would lead the gossip hounds, which is exactly why it’s still odd that she would sell herself into the role. Maybe she felt vulnerable financially, maybe she felt her youth slipping away, or maybe she felt that an abrupt 180-degree turn on her character made sense. If so, then I wish she (or the writers) would explain her motivation, because absent that, last week still seems like it’s non-canon.

This week’s episode promises genuine character development, as Sally Draper will be “going out.” If she’s going out like a regular teenager in the 1960s, it’ll be a pleasant night of movies and milkshakes. If her shark jumps like Joan’s did, she’ll probably drop acid and swim to Manhattan. Anything can happen now on Mad Men.

See you at 10:00pm Eastern!

05.27.12

by Michael R. Hall

Mad Men Live Blog: Season 5, Episode 11 – “The Other Woman”

Final score: The Mad Men writers jump the shark to win tonight’s episode! Seriously, Peggy wins the night because she got a better job the honorable way. Her victory is a minor storyline, though, given Joan’s acceptance of the indecent proposal. Let’s go through the night.

[You can page down for the play-by-play or read my review of the night starting here.]

Joan Harris in Mad Men Episode 511 (source: AMC.TV)

AMC put the most pivotal episode of this Mad Men season on during Memorial Day weekend. Were they trying to hide the implausibility of the indecent proposal storyline? Joan isn’t to blame for taking the indecent proposal and the 5 percent ownership in SCDP. Pete Campbell isn’t to blame, either. The Mad Men writers are to blame. For a show featuring cheaters and drunks and drug users, the indecent proposal crossed the line. It violated Joan’s integrity. Worse, it just wasn’t consistent with anything Joan’s done in the previous five seasons of the show. She never once attempted to use her relationship with Roger Sterling for personal gain. The Jaguar man’s solicitation was certainly not the first that Joan’s faced since she started in advertising. Why now, of all times, would Joan accept an indecent proposal?

As for Peggy: good for her on joining the improbably spelled Ted Chaough, because it’ll make a great storyline for the rest of the season. Don ignored Peggy, and perhaps for good reason, because MICHAEL GINSBERG is a budding creative genius. Peggy has yet to succeed without her spiritual leader in Don. Don may have thrown dollar bills at her tonight, but he does care about her and will push for her to succeed.

Is Peggy’s pay raise worth leaving a mentor? Ted Chaough is no mentor and no genius. Then again, Don’s saving his mentorship and genius for Megan, who no longer wants it. The bigger concern for Peggy is her job security, as Ted Chaough will not have the patience for Peggy’s missteps that Don did.

I still feel like this season could end with Don on the street, and perhaps Peggy will join him in quick succession. After tonight’s shark jump, however, anything goes in Mad Men. Characters should evolve, not invent. Joan accepted the indecent proposal and invented a whole new character. The Joan we’ve been presented by the Mad Men writers for the last five seasons wouldn’t have accepted it, full stop.

Thanks for joining me! See you next week for Episode 512.

11:01pm: Don holds Peggy’s hand and nearly cries. Peggy really cries. That’s business.

11:00pm: Don asks Peggy to give him the number. Peggy will not comply. Peggy to Don: “You know this is what you would do.” Actually, I think Don would take the money.

10:59pm: Don to Peggy: “I know I’ve taken you for granted.” Peggy: “Yes, I’ve seen the show.”

10:58pm: Peggy to Don: “I want you to know that the day you saw something in me…my whole life changed.” Don: “I have that effect on people.”

10:57pm: Peggy talks with Don while everyone else is celebrating the Jaguar account.

10:56pm: Jaguar’s calling every agency with results on the pitch meeting, and SCDP lands the account. Roger calls in every partner, including Joan. Don is a sad Draper.

10:53pm: Peggy meets with Ted Chaough and gets an offer of $19,000 per year, which translates to $130,000 a year in 2012 dollars, according to DollarTimes. Did I write that down correctly?

10:52pm: Megan is objectified in her callback audition. Ethics 101.

10:47pm: I try to be funny in this live blog, but it’s difficult with Joan’s indecent proposal. Lane now gets out of his embezzlement snafu, Joan can finish up her divorce without going broke, and Pete somehow wins.

Does this sort of indecent proposal happen? I’m sure it does, but how often with employees? And yes, I know that Joan’s had an affair with Roger Sterling, who’s been her boss for years. Doesn’t matter. It’s worse when it happens with a client.

And more concerning, it seems like a lazy storyline. Joan’s indecent proposal is too obvious. It’s a free pass on complex thinking.

10:45pm: Ah, Don arrived after Joan’s date with the Jaguar guy. Doesn’t matter. This storyline is still tacky.

10:44pm: Don to the Jaguar committee: “What behavior would we forgive if they weren’t pretty?” Mad Men is pretty, but I can’t forgive this storyline.

10:44pm: This storyline is so tacky. I am hoping that Joan doesn’t go through with it.

10:43pm: The SCDP boys are at the Jaguar pitch the next day. And yes, of course, Joan went through with it. So Don’s pitch is smooth but hollow, is like Joan’s night with Herb, the Jaguar guy.

10:42pm: Prediction: Joan still goes through with the indecent proposal.

10:41pm: Don goes to Joan’s apartment and tells her it’s not worth it. Joan to Don: “I was told everyone was on board.” Ethics 101.

10:39pm: Pete tells Don that Joan’s going to accept the Jaguar man’s indecent proposal in exchange for 5 percent of SCDP. Don to Pete: “I don’t want it like this.” Pete to Don: “It was her idea.” No, Pete, it was the Jaguar man’s idea.

10:37pm: Mad Men advertising note: Miller 64 is performance beer! In exchange for a pilates class, I can reward myself with a Miller 64. This Miller 64 commercial felt like a 64-second commercial, but yes, I will get a Miller 64. To Miller 64!

10:34pm: Freddy Rumsen encourages Peggy to leave her job. This is part of the Jessica Pare takeover of Mad Men. All the women will leave, either through new jobs or moral indignation.

10:33pm: MICHAEL GINSBERG’s Jaguar line: “At least, something beautiful you can truly own.” Ethics 101.

10:32pm: MICHAEL GINSBERG comes into Don’s office and implies that Jaguars will help jerks get ladies. I knew as a child that only jerks get the ladies.

10:31pm: Joan talks to Pete and demands a 5 percent stake in SCDP in exchange for the indecent proposal. And here is the shark that Mad Men has jumped.

10:30pm: Hey, Megan got a callback to an audition! Surprise!

10:29pm: Joan is having a fight with her mother about their impoverished living situation. Maybe Joan and her mother can trade residences with Pete and Alison Brie. With her living expenses controlled, Joan won’t need to take the indecent proposal.

10:28pm: Pete and Alison Brie are fighting about their living situation. Pete wants Manhattan and Alison Brie wants “fresh air.” GREEEEEEN ACRES!

10:26pm: Prediction: There is no way, no how that Joan accepts the indecent proposal. For a woman who’s cheated on her husband (and helped other husbands cheat), she has a code of ethics, and the indecent proposal violates that code.

10:22pm: Megan’s friend does a seductive (?) dance, which gives MICHAEL GINSBERG the idea for the best Jaguar line ever – “she comes and goes as she pleases.” On behalf of Peggy fans everywhere, I’m getting a little tired of that smart MICHAEL GINSBERG. I may start capitalizing Peggy as PEGGY in response.

10:22pm: Megan is back from an audition and gives the following Jaguar pitch line: “Jaguar: It’s your problem, not mine.” Megan is getting good lines!

10:21pm: Pete reads a bedtime story to his kid. Useless.

10:19pm: Lane attempts to discourage Joan from taking the indecent proposal because it’ll reveal its embezzlement. Actually, no, Lane attempts to convince Joan to defer upfront cash for a partnership in the firm. That could work!

10:18pm: Ken attempts to console Peggy, and Peggy responds by telling him that he doesn’t believe his “stories.”

10:17pm: Peggy to Don after getting pulled from MICHAEL GINSBERG’s account: “So, I guess I’m not in charge of everything.” Don responds by throwing money at her. I wish I’d get that response every time I challenged authority.

10:15pm: Don Draper can’t pitch Jaguar and sell Mercedes-Benz roadsters simultaneously, can he? It sounds like an agency conflict.

10:12pm: Bert Cooper to Pete about Joan’s indecent proposal: “Let her know she can still say no.” From his voice, it sounds like she can’t. Ethics 101.

10:10pm: Pete tells the partners that the Jaguar guy (who is apparently one of three votes) that Joan would consider the indecent proposal at the right price. Everyone else in the room had ethics, but Pete actually considers a financial structure for the payoff to Joan, and seems to persuade the other partners, save Don.

10:09pm: Harry, Ken, and Peggy are on a speakerphone, which is apparently a novel invention for 1966. Is it 1967 yet? Anyway, Peggy is getting the chance to be creative and invokes Lady Godiva, so apparently all sorts of ethics are getting tossed to the side at SCDP. And we’re not even at the embezzlement yet.

10:08pm: Pete to Joan: “Do you consider Cleopatra a prostitute?” Joan apparently is open to it, because she says, “I don’t think you can afford it.” That is not a no. It should be, but it’s not. Joan is too good for that.

10:07pm: Pete to Joan about the Jaguar guy: “A night with you, or no vote.” Surprisingly, Joan is not persuaded. Yet.

10:06pm: Pete is asking Joan about serving the needs of the Jaguar man. Pete has no ethics. Does Joan have ethics?

10:05pm: Don Draper, a 20-year veteran of the ad business, is asking Megan Draper, a 20-year old (and change) for help on his Jaguar campaign. Megan’s advice: don’t use the word “mistress” in the campaign. Good advice.

10:04pm: Ken to Pete about the Jaguar guy propositioning Joan: “Why didn’t you tell him she’s married?” Pete: “Because so is he.” Ethics 101.

10:03pm: The Jaguar pitch guy has asked Pete and Ken for Joan’s contact information. By “contact information,” the pitch guy means that he wants Joan’s companionship for the night. And Pete’s considering it.

10:01pm: MICHAEL GINSBERG’s pitch at the Jaguar creative meeting: “Jaguar. You’ll love it when you’re in it.” Peggy is irritated because the boys are all on the Jaguar account, whereas she is working on laxatives. MICHAEL GINSBERG apparently used laxatives before coming up with his pitch.

9:58pm: Even AMC knows that no one likes The Killing. At 9:58, right in the afterglow of The Killing‘s thrilling conclusion (a dude in a hoodie, driving at night), there’s immediately a big promo for Mad Men and a couple John Slattery commercials for Lincoln automobiles.

9:55pm: Sarah from The Killing has been released into Lew Ashby‘s care. As long as she stays out of Lew’s stash, she might make it to the start of Mad Men.

9:54pm: Tonight’s description of The Killing: “Sarah is at her wit’s end.” So are we all with this show. In other news about The Killing, Seattle is still overcast.

10:45am: A new episode on Memorial Day weekend? Does Mad Men‘s audience time shift that much? When looking at Mad Men‘s “Where to Watch” page, it sure seems that way. AMC promotes four ways to watch Mad Men: “On AMC”, “Download”, “On DVD”, and “On VOD.” AMC knows the Mad Menaudience goes well beyond Sundays at 10pm. Do advertisers also know?

Like many Mad Men fans, I want the show to be an Event (not an event, but an Event). It needs to be this grand, unifying Event for my generation. But how can an Event unify if everyone watches the Event at separate times? This is the big divide between scripted entertainment and live entertainment (sports, news, and even reality TV results shows). Mad Men‘s Event needs to be communal, but its consumption is individual. Perhaps it’s perfect for my individualistic, on-demand generation. We will unify around an Event, but only when we can pencil it in.

Anyway, let’s go back to the show. Don Draper is in the middle of the Jaguar pitch, which is exactly where the show needs him to me. No more thrown plates of spaghetti. It’s time that Don gets back to work. Of course, by the time Don successfully lands the Jaguar account, Lane Pryce’s embezzlement from Episode 510 will sink SCDP, leading to Don and Megan’s inevitable demise in a Montreal flophouse. It’ll be fun until then, though!

See you tonight at 10pm Eastern!

05.20.12

by Michael R. Hall

Mad Men Live Blog: Season 5, Episode 10 – “Christmas Waltz”

Photo from AMCTV.com – Mad Men Episode 510

Final score: Meredith, the SCDP receptionist, wins the night! It was a great night for hostility and she led the pack. Joan would never have let a process server come through SCDP’s front door after an employee, let alone a director like…well, like Joan. But Meredith disagreed and jeopardized her colleague in style, all with a nasty attitude. Job well done, Meredith!

Second place goes to Paul Kinsey, who wins because he’s the only notable character to make any money off tonight’s episode. Don rented a car for a $6,000 bond, then paid for Joan’s drinks, so his net worth is down on the day. Megan now needs to buy a new plate. Lane’s theft might be what leads the company to its demise, but that’s now delayed a week. Harry lost his pride with Lakshmi, and then lost his guilt-ridden $500 to Paul, our deserving second-place finisher.

Tonight’s episode, like a chess opening position, may lead to a big endgame, where the Lane is shown the door (and maybe Don, too, for the forged signature on Lane’s check?). In isolation, however, this episode was tepid at best. Paul Kinsey’s plotline seems irrelevant now and probably will remain so for the remainder of the season — and really, was it relevant in the first place? It’s just part of the Mad Men‘s efforts to bring SCDP into the 1960s. While it’s fun to see Don interact with the counterculture, I’d just rather see him win a pitch.

Thank you for reading along! See you next week.

11:02 pm: Don to the team: “Prepare to take a great leap forward.” He then tells the team that SCDP is working throughout the holidays to land Jaguar. Everyone is ecstatic to blow up their holidays. You know why? Because everyone likes to work!

11:00 pm: Lane’s plan to embezzle SCDP’s money has hit a hitch with Mohawk’s union strike. Lane could barely stomach telling the company that the partners would forego their bonus.

10:58 pm: Harry gives Paul $500 (in 1966 dollars) for a fresh start in Los Angeles. That’s about $3,500 in 2012 terms, per DollarTimes.com. In essence, Harry’s dalliance with Lakshmi cost his $3,500 in 2012 terms.

10:57 pm: Harry is now lying to Paul about how much Star Trek loved his script. Harry’s lie is so implausible that it does not bear repeating.

10:55 pm: The only plot line tonight’s episode has advanced thus far is Lane Pryce’s. Joan got served? Of course she did, because that’s what happens in divorce. We’ve got a few minutes left to redeem a slow night.

10:53 pm: “Hi, I’m Nick, and I’m a photography student.” Nick, would you like a nice I.T. degree instead?

10:52 pm: Roger and Joan. Make it happen for real, Matthew Weiner.

10:51 pm: Lane saves some money by exaggerating his role in the Jaguar sale. It’s the smallest lie he’s said all week.

10:49 pm: Megan makes a keen observation: Don loved his work before he met her. Maybe Don just loves Megan? Could it really happen that way in a Mad Men world?

10:48 pm: Megan is upset when drunk Don Draper gets home. Megan asks Don where he was, and Don tells her everything exactly as it happened, including getting a drink with Joan. Surprisingly, this upsets Megan less than Don not calling.

10:47 pm: Lakshmi slaps Harry. Harry is confused. I am also confused. Let’s ignore this plot line forevermore.

10:46 pm: Harry to Lakshmi: “[Paul] wants to have a life with you.” In other news, Harry and Lakshmi became one just like five seconds ago.

10:45 pm: AMC is showing every Dirty Harry movie this week. In other news, The Killing is still a thing.

10:41 pm: After drinks with Joan, Don is driving his quasi-rented Jaguar as fast as possible while he’s drunk. Don to the audience: “Have you seen the show?”

10:40 pm: Don and Joan are making up back stories for another guy at the bar. I do this ALL the time! It’s my favorite thing to do at a bar. Much safer than talking to other people.

10:39 pm: If Don and Joan become an item, man, that is it, that is all. It’d be like when Penny and Raj became an item on The Big Bang Theory.

10:37 pm: Lakshmi from the Hare Krishna place comes to SCDP’s office and throws herself at Harry. The big question: when was the last time she showered?

10:36 pm: The SCDP receptionist is the best receptionist in the entire world. Nothing says “reception” like hostility.

10:35 pm: Don congratulates Joan for getting divorced. Joan reminds Don that this is 1966, she is a woman, and society is unfair.

10:34 pm: Don whips out a checkbook (presumably a company check) and writes a $6,000 (in 1966 dollars) check to “rent” a Jaguar. Will the check bounce now that Lane’s stolen $7,500?

10:33 pm: Joan to Don: “Oh, honey, what’s that?”

10:32 pm: Yes, finally! Don and Joan are a couple! A fake couple, touring Jaguar, but still a couple!

10:31 pm: Joan just got served in a manner that’s eerily reminiscent of how it happens in 2012. Not that I’d know.

10:29 pm: My local commercials are all sponsored by local banks.

10:26 pm: Lane pays his tax bill with SCDP’s money, but then gives the tax man the runaround on his fee. That’s not going to work out well.

10:25 pm: Pete comes to Don’s office to discuss Jaguar. They should really talk about embezzlement. Maybe Pete should look at the ledger.

10:23 pm: Lane breaks into SCDP late at night to forge a check from the company checkbook. This is Lane’s creative embezzlement plan? He could never be an ad man.

10:22 pm: Paul to Harry: “No one likes me.” Matthew Weiner to Paul: “Agreed.”

10:21 pm: Paul wrote a spec Star Trek script! Yes!!!

10:20 pm: Megan’s dress looks like a Star Trek uniform.

10:19 pm: Megan to Don about his terseness: “Yep? Nope? Those should have been our wedding vows.”

10:18 pm: Don and Megan are at a silly play, and all the actors are wearing Rip Hamilton masks!

10:16 pm: Harry to Paul about the Hare Krishna lady: “She’s my kind of religion.”

10:14 pm: Roger is in Joan’s office begging to be part of Baby Harris’ life. Joan, for some reason, is refusing assistance. She is too proud, and Baby Harris will be too poor.

10:10 pm: So, how will Lane embezzle money from SDCP? If he doesn’t, will the British invade New York just to extradite him? There’s nothing more meaningful to the British tax system than $50K in 2012 dollars. Greece, however…

The easy answer: Lane creates a fake British government ad buy, then sends the money back through SCDP as a “research project.”

10:08 pm: Lane is now trying to convince the SCDP leadership to distribute his ill-gotten loan money. Pete: “What ghost visited you, Ebenezer?”

10:07 pm: Paul Kinsey is back, and he has a pony-tail! Just a pony tail. That’s a good look for when I go bald.

10:06 pm: Don to Pete about the Jaguar pitch: “It’s a lot of work.” Pete: “Yes, I’ve seen the show.”

10:04 pm: Lane’s now talking with a banking friend about getting a $50K (in 1966 dollars) line of credit for SCDP, so that he can get paid/embezzle to pay off his debt. Does it seem like he might do himself in this episode, at least career-wise?

10:02 pm: Lane owes $8,000 to the British tax man, in a plot line that hasn’t been remotely developed enough to plausibly threaten one of the show’s main characters. Lane is unable to come up with $8,000 (in 1966 dollars) on short notice, which is $56,000 in 2012 dollars. Lane Pryce seems to be the type of man who’d be able to pull that off. Why is he suffering so much financially?

10:00 pm: Is Dr. R-Word back?

9:59 pm: The Killing is available on iTunes. If you’ve purchased everything else on iTunes, it’s good to know.

9:58 pm: John Slattery’s voice on a Lincoln commercial is all the Mad Men I need. And two Lincoln ads in a row!

9:56 pm: We’ve now sworn off all mentions of The Killing, other than to reassert weekly that Seattle is rainy and gray. Since Grey’s Anatomy, it’s actually rainy and grey.

9:51 pm: It’s Christmas in May! When you’re writing Mad Men, time knows no season. Anyway, Christmas dreams are about to come true at SCDP, per the official site. Pete Campbell is wishing for a backbone, Peggy is wishing for a better haircut, and MICHAEL GINSBERG is wishing for vengeance on the evil Don Draper. Don Draper, of course, does not care, because Don Draper has Megan Draper while MICHAEL GINSBERG has his father’s matchbox apartment. Living in New York, ah, so glamorous.

We’ll get started in about nine minutes – thanks for joining along!

05.13.12

by Michael R. Hall

Mad Men Live Blog: Season 5, Episode 9 – “Dark Shadows”

Final score: Peyton List wins the night! She’ll end up with two Manhattan apartments, a nice divorce settlement with Roger, and a new beau in the Manischewitz heir in the next few months.

Photo from AMCTV.com – Mad Men Episode 509

The big bombshell of the night was JJ’s announcement to Sally about Anna Draper. Sally was upset for a while, then didn’t care. So if that’s it for the night’s fireworks, what advanced? Pete whined, MICHAEL GINSBERG now has his boss Don as a mortal enemy, and Joan lost the bottle red race with Megan’s actress friend. Otherwise, tonight was just a blip. I want more meat next week.

Speaking of meat, I’m off to finish up a 5,000 word paper. This blog is about 1,500 words — maybe I can paste it as an appendix! See you next week.

11:02 pm: JJ is at Thanksgiving and says, “I’m thankful that I have everything I want.” Of course, she refers to the sole Brussels sprout on her plate.

11:00 pm: Peyton List is having second thoughts about hooking up with her husband in her new apartment. Roger now needs to buy her a new apartment. Real estate in the 1960s was much cheaper.

10:59 pm: MICHAEL GINSBERG and Don are now in the elevator together, and MICHAEL GINSBERG is furious at Don for hiding his idea. MICHAEL GINSBERG: “I feel bad for you.” Don: “I don’t think about you at all.”

10:58 pm: Peyton List to Roger: “Roger, wait.” Roger to Peyton List: “What?” Thus goes 1960s banter.

10:57 pm: Peyton List and Roger are celebrating a successful pitch dinner to Manischewitz. By celebrating, I mean they’re going to hook up.

10:56 pm: MICHAEL GINSBERG is upset that Don left his idea in the cab. I am upset that Tesla is advertising on Mad Men after its own government loan.

10:49 pm: Roger is with the Manischewitz people. The Manischewitz heir (30s, MBA-type) is into Peyton List. The Manischewitz patriarch and matriarch are into MICHAEL GINSBERG’s ad idea.

10:48 pm: Don has decided to jeopardize the Snoball account because he is petty and self-conscious. Um, have we met Don Draper?

10:46 pm: Peggy is complaining to Roger that he is “not loyal.” Um, has she met Roger Sterling?

10:44 pm: Pete calls Don at home on a Sunday morning to whine about the NYT Magazine article because it doesn’t mention SCDP. Don is decidedly ambivalent.

10:41 pm: It’s commercial time again and FedEx is shipping packages to the forest. Not a growth industry.

10:39 pm: Peggy and MICHAEL GINSBERG are at the office late. I gotta say…Peggy’s looking good!

10:38 pm: Megan tells Don that JJ told Sally about Anna. It’s like a game of telephone, only with the threat of military prison.

10:37 pm: Weight Watchers lady: “We should fill ourselves with our children.” This is not how to lose weight!

10:35 pm: Sally talks with Megan about Anna Draper. Megan sounds very Canadian with her response, which politely addresses Don’s identity theft by talking about the way “things used to be.”

10:34 pm: Every single person loves MICHAEL GINSBERG’s Snoball better than Don’s Snoball. Even Don, in his heart, loves it more.

10:33 pm: JJ just told Sally about Anna Draper! Seriously? Don could get ARRESTED for that!

10:32 pm: Boy Child Draper drew a picture of a whale getting harpooned. Know what that means? Brass Bonanza! Go Whalers!

10:30 pm: Alexis Bledel is at SCDP to have the adult party time with Pete. She was excited because Pete was in the New York Times Sunday magazine. Then, Pete woke up. I think there are a lot of Madison Avenue folks who have that exact same dream today.

10:28 pm: Peyton List is back because Roger needs a dinner date. In exchange for dinner, Peyton List wants a new apartment. Real estate was much cheaper in the 1960s.

10:27 pm: “And it feels like I’m just too close to love you. There’s nothing I can really say. I can’t lie no more. I can’t hide no more. Got to be true to myself.” Therefore, download Bing. QED.

10:26 pm: Commercial time. Chrysler is talking about a father and son gambling. It’s good to hear a company that took so much of our taxpayer money talk about gambling. One point three billion. Dollars. I’d rather import a tax refund from Detroit.

10:23 pm: Henry Francis realizes he joined the wrong political campaign in the 1960s and blah, blah, blah. JJ comforts Henry Francis by reciting some gibberish from her Weight Watchers meeting. Henry Francis smiles, realizing that his decision-making can only improve after bottoming out with JJ.

10:22 pm: Roger is again paying out-of-pocket for some creative work on the side, this time courtesy of MICHAEL GINSBERG. Did the IRS not exist in the 1960s?

10:21 pm: Roger is talking with MICHAEL GINSBERG about his Manischewitz wine meeting, at which he makes three separate insults about the Jewish faith. MICHAEL GINSBERG is unfazed because MICHAEL GINSBERG is self-effacing.

10:20 pm: Megan is unapologetic about marrying a rich man. I would be, too.

10:19 pm: Megan is reading a script for “Dark Shadows” with her acting school friend, who’s apparently spent all her tips on her bottle red hair.

10:17 pm: JJ is at her Weight Watchers meeting circa 1966. The ladies are all getting weighed in public while wearing full wardrobes. And since it was the 1960s, everyone’s wearing about ten pounds of clothing.

Anyway, JJ had a bad week because she saw how hot Megan looked. Waah.

10:15 pm: If your entire life is online, why does it matter where you live?

10:13 pm: Don is sad and old. Roger is sad and old. JJ is sad and fat. Henry Francis is sad and henpecked. Peggy is sad and stifled. Pete is sad and emasculated. Only MICHAEL GINSBERG remains pure.

10:11 pm: MICHAEL GINSBERG is kicking Peggy’s butt at the Snoball brainstorming meeting. MICHAEL GINSBERG then proceeds to also kick Don’s butt. The problem here is that Jon Hamm is perfect in real life, so it’s hard to believe that he’d lose creatively to MICHAEL GINSBERG.

10:10 pm: JJ chugged some whipped cream and then spit it out. This isn’t even a plot point. It’s just another day in the life of JJ.

10:09 pm: Don is still at the office, apparently trying to one-up the level Snoball jokes in his underling’s file folder. He is failing because he is Old. Not old. “Old”.

10:07 pm: JJ is at Don’s apartment to pick up her kids, and she’s walking around. She already looks thinner, but not nearly as thin as Megan, who’s decided to change right in front of an open window. Megan is young and vibrant, and JJ has always been awful, fat suit or no.

10:06 pm: Don find the “S— I Gotta Do” file folder of someone, and the work looks like MICHAEL GINSBERG’s! It’s funny, so I’m assuming it’s not Megan’s old file folder. Is it Peggy’s, maybe?

10:05 pm: OK, there’s no way that Jessica Pare continues as Megan after the season’s over, unfortunately. She was at her best in the office environment. Her acting partner is Sally Draper now.

10:04 pm: Roger to Bert Cooper: “How Jewish are they?” This was relevant directly to the discussion they were having, but Roger could really say this at any time.

10:03 pm: Don is reviewing the year’s past ad products for the magazine and sees MICHAEL GINSBERG’s name on most of the campaigns. Whither Peggy? MICHAEL GINSBERG is industrious.

10:02 pm: Pete got SCDP into a magazine about “hip” ad agencies. Because Pete is hip.

10:01 pm: Looks like January Jones is back and on a diet. She’s eating burnt toast and cheese, it appears. Carbs and fat.

10:00 pm: Alexis Bledel is in the intro for tonight’s episode! How does Pete really get both Alison Brie and Alexis Bledel?

9:57 pm: And it’s the end of The Killing, where the only things getting killed are smiles.

9:54 pm: Now that AMC’s paid money to the Beatles, it’s on to paying Art Wallace and/or Tim Burton to use the “Dark Shadows” title. Don Draper will need all the money he can get now that Megan’s no longer working for a living (even though it was actually his company that was paying her).

In other news from last week, Pete’s emasculation train came to a stop at Alexis Bledel, who for some reason found him attractive. Maybe she’s into frat boys from Dartmouth. By the way, what self-respecting fraternity would admit Pete Campbell? Why did he attend Dartmouth and not Princeton or Columbia? He’s really going to drive up to New Hampshire and hang out there every winter? He hates Cos Cob because it’s too rural.

Anyway, it’s time to forget about Pete Campbell. This week is apparently a Sally Draper week, and as there’s no Celtics game tonight to distract us, it looks like she’s our entertainment for the night. Let’s go, Kings!

05.06.12

by Michael R. Hall

Tonight’s Mad Men live blog will not be “live” or “tonight,” but here’s a prediction anyway

We are attending a wedding this evening in purple-clad Evanston, Illinois. Therefore, my Mad Men live blog will be delayed until later this week.

If I had to guess at tonight’s events, it would go something like this:

10:05 pm: Roger makes a bon mot, then drinks.

10:17 pm: A shadowy figure from Don’s past shows up at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce. Don drinks.

10:34 pm: Pete is emasculated by the coffee machine, then drinks.

10:49 pm: Sally spends all night talking with Matthew Weiner’s creepy son, then drinks. Juice. She drinks juice.

11:02 pm: Questions remain, but enough of us viewers stuck around to give AMC a Nielsen ratings bump in the next quarter-hour. AMC drinks champagne.

Have a good night!

04.29.12

by Michael R. Hall

Mad Men Live Blog: Season 5, Episode 7 – “At the Codfish Ball”

Final Score: Peggy’s mom wins the night! Roger made a last-minute campaign after hooking up with Mrs. Quebecois, but Peggy’s mom beat Roger in an area he usually dominates: one-liners. Granted, his are witty and hers are bitterly repressive, but she delivered them perfectly.

If Roger’s the night’s clear number two, Megan locked up the third slot. She’s now rounding into a strong MVP contender with a series of solid episodes. January Jones never had this kind of material. Is it because Megan’s part of Don’s evolution? Or part of the cultural revolution, even more so than Peggy? Or is it just because Matthew Weiner likes Jessica Pare’s acting more than anything JJ delivered? If that’s the case, then Matthew Weiner can keep rolling his creepy son out every few episodes, because Megan’s fast becoming a highlight of Mad Men.

Thanks for reading! Have a good night.

11:05 PM: Mad Men‘s episode previews reveal nothing except people smoking and asking questions. They’re still better than The Killing. Did you know that it rains in Seattle?

11:04 PM: Matthew Weiner’s creepy son is back on the line. Sally reflects on why Roger is happy. Nepotism helps make people happy.

11:03 PM: The lead ad exec tells Don that no one in the ad business will trust him again after he wrote the New York Times ad criticizing American Tobacco. So now, no one’s happy. Except Roger!

11:02 PM: Here it is. Sally is watching Roger (her date for the evening!) with Mrs. Quebecois. Kids grow up fast.

11:01 PM: Megan to Mr. Quebecois: “Why are you speaking English?” Mr. Quebecois to live bloggers everywhere: “I want you to be able to type without looking up.”

11:00 PM: Sally is going to the lady’s room, where she’s probably going to see Mrs. Quebecois and Roger together.

10:59 PM: Mrs. Quebecois to Roger: “Eyye have beeen watching youuu all night.” Roger to Mrs. Quebecois: “Um…what?”

10:58 PM: Hmm. Mrs. Quebecois and Roger appear to have both left the table at the same time.

10:57 PM: Peggy’s mom to Peggy: “If you’re lonely, get a cat. They live 13 years. Then, get another one.” Peggy’s mom is in the lead for tonight’s winner.

10:56 PM: Peggy’s mom to Peggy: “This boy will use you for practice until he decides to get married and have a family.”

10:54 PM: Peggy tells her mom that she’s moving in with the beatnik. Peggy’s mom responds by telling Peggy that she’s living in sin. If this were the modern era, Peggy’s mom would praise her for saving money and not living at home.

10:50 PM: It’s pretty clear that Mrs. Quebecois and Roger will hook up, leading Mr. Quebecois to fight Roger. We’ll see at least one heart attack, if not two.

10:49 PM: Mr. Quebecois to Pete Campbell: “What do you do all day?” Pete to Mr. Quebecois: “Well, what do you do? You’re a scholar.” There was a shoe thrown at the TV in our apartment.

10:48 PM: Roger is now on a “date” with Sally Draper at Don’s award ceremony. It was inevitable.

10:47 PM: The ballroom for Don’s award ceremony looks to be smoke-filled. Maybe that’s just my TV.

10:46 PM: Right before Don’s award ceremony, Mrs. Quebecois is tying Roger’s bow tie. This is not a euphemism.

10:44 PM: Peggy and the beatnik are playing house. This is the beatnik’s first hot meal in years.

10:43 PM: Mr. Quebecois to Mrs. Quebecois: “You won’t be happy until I’m dead!” En francais.

10:40 PM: To Mark Potter, the Google Chrome creeper: Your ex will be creeped out more by you relieving the past, and even more so by setting up a montage using Google Chrome. It is less creepy than using Firefox, though.

10:37 PM: Peggy to Megan: “I don’t know what the Canadian equivalent of baseball is, but this is a home run!” Megan to Peggy: “We have baseball.” Actually, Montreal did not have the Expos until 1969, per Wikipedia’s article on the Montreal Expos. So, it looks like Megan stretched the truth! She’s becoming more of an ad exec every day.

10:36 PM: Joan to Peggy on the news that the beatnik will freeload in her apartment: “Shacking up?” I think Joan came back to work to mock people.

10:35 PM: Don to Megan in the celebratory cab ride back: “I was just going to scream in his stupid face.” The new Don Draper is alright with me, too. He’s learning that he needs to get moving again. Everyone at SCDP is getting moving again.

10:33 PM: Don to the Heinz rep: “Heinz Beans: Some Things Never Change.” Ken Cosgrove is now being told to shut up by Don. This pitch became a menage-a-trois (intellectual, of course) between Don, Megan, and the Heinz rep. I am a big fan of the new Megan!

10:32 PM: OK, I like this new Megan. If the Drapers are all about business, then I’m OK with that.

10:31 PM: I like how Megan subtlety tells Don that he’s about to get fired from the Heinz account. Megan and Don are going to tag-team the Heinz rep and his wife at an extended dessert. It’s business! They’re on a pitch now!

10:30 PM: The Heinz guy appears like he’s about to ditch SCDP.

10:29 PM: Peggy to the beatnik: “Yes.” Then, “I do.” Laying it on thick.

10:28 PM: The beatnik proposed to Peggy! That they move in together! Into Peggy’s apartment! Such a charmer, this beatnik!

10:27 PM: Beatnik to Peggy: “The steak’s supposed to be good here.” If this were modern-day, the beatnik would be vegan.

10:24 PM: Advertisers for Mad Men in this break: Chrysler; Apple; Shame. Maybe AMC’s making a statement about Chrysler’s “Welcome to Detroit” campaign. Or the New York Times’ critique on Apple’s tax avoidance. Or maybe it’s just because the audience for Mad Men overlaps with fans of Michael Fassbender. His acting.

10:22 PM: Don will receive an award for his anti-smoking newspaper ad from Season 4. This advertisement and Megan are the only parts of Season 4 that have migrated to Season 5. Remember when SCDP was in dire financial straits? That was a memorable episode and a half.

10:21 PM: Roger to Don/Megan, who were in a closed-door meeting: “Oh, you two were actually working?”

10:20 PM: Joan says the obvious to everyone except Peggy (and me) that the beatnik boyfriend will propose to her at their emergency dinner tonight. I should watch more rom-coms.

10:19 PM: Peggy is looking to confide in Joan. Joan proceeds to insult Peggy’s lack of a social life, but with charm.

10:18 PM: Peggy’s beatnik boyfriend wants to meet urgently for dinner. I am praying that it’s to break up.

10:17 PM: Megan is applying her memories of childhood spaghetti to the Heinz’s baked beans commercial. Don LOVES it. And guess what he’s about to do to the Heinz team? That’s right! Megan trumps MICHAEL GINSBERG!

10:15 PM: So what is the Codfish Ball? It’s apparently a Shirley Temple song! Here’s the YouTube link to 1939′s “At the Codfish Ball,” as sung by our future ambassador: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zpqt3zgdYUw.

10:13 PM: The Pitch is now being thrust upon Mad Men viewers. For background, The Pitch is a reality show involving modern-day ad agencies (Mad Men without the illegal activity…I hope). The first pitch is to Subway, and what Subway needs now more than ever is a codfish sandwich.

10:12 PM: Don complains to Megan that Mr. Quebecois will never like him. The real Don Draper wouldn’t give a crap if his wife’s father liked him or not. Don is getting emasculated this season, and it’s got to stop.

10:10 PM: MICHAEL GINSBERG! believes that Playtex should sell adult bras to young consumers. I doubt MICHAEL GINSBERG! has done any field research on the matter. MICHAEL GINSBERG!

10:09 PM: Heinz! Pittsburgh!

10:08 PM: Mrs. Quebecois: “I alwayyzzz made Megan spaghhh-ettt-tiii. Eeet was her favorite.” I took German in high school.

10:07 PM: The Quebecois are speaking French to each other while Don’s picking up the kids. As a live blogger who writes with his head down, I need an audio translation.

10:06 PM: Roger: “I lost everything when I lost Lucky Strike.” Is this the former Mrs. Sterling? Oh my goodness, it is, and she looks great! Or at least, a lot less orange than at the start of the scene.

10:04 PM: Roger is on a date (date?) with an orangish lady. She sounded like Dana Delany from a distance. If only she was her.

10:02 PM: Don Draper is carrying Megan’s dad’s luggage up to the apartment. It looks like the Quebecois are invading this week. And we’re going to have a French episode! As the life partner of a polyglot, I just LOVE it when people speak other languages in mixed company.

10:01 PM: Good: JJ and Henry Francis are out of town. Bad: Matthew Weiner’s creepy son has passed through puberty. I’ve had laryngitis for the past month, and now Matthew Weiner’s creepy son has a deeper voice than I do. Depressed.

10:00 PM: It’s Mad Men time! And it looks like Matt Weiner’s creepy son is back in the picture. As long as he keeps January Jones away, he can stay.

9:58 PM: And it’s a final on Chopped All-Stars! Marcus triumphs in all three rounds to beat Alex. He will advance to the final round next week. Meanwhile, on The Killing, something of no consequence happened to the grey-clad citizens of Seattle.

If a tree falls in a TV show that no one watches, does it earn a Nielsen point?

9:48 PM: Meanwhile, on The Killing, everyone is still wearing various shades of grey. All the people are wearing sweaters and drinking coffee. And something something murder. I don’t know. Chopped All-Stars has red chefs’ outfits.

Separately, Laura indicates that she (being Laura) is cute. Duly noted.

9:43 PM: So let’s talk about that Jon Hamm segment on 30 Rock. Is it appropriate to use an offensive word for satire? If you say “yes” to that, is it then OK to use that same word for humor alone? That’s what happened in 30 Rock. The first scene with Jon Hamm and Tracy Morgan was arguably satire, but the other two scenes were solely for humor’s sake. I think it was over the line.

9:27 PM: We are watching Chopped All-Stars on Food Network until Mad Men starts. If Chopped existed in the Mad Men era, every round would feature steak.

9:17 PM: The Codfish Ball? Seriously? Is Mad Men going to have a Gorton’s pitch meeting this week? Jon Hamm’s role on 30 Rock this week violated one taboo, but I can’t see Don Draper violating another taboo by eating reheated cod.

Speaking of reheated meat, Roger has had a solid couple of episodes, and he’s looking to win the week after Megan won last week with her HoJo’s exodus. The Episode 507 preview on AMC’s website has Roger reflecting on his LSD trip with the line, “I had a life-changing experience.” I think every experience for Roger outside of his social caste is life-changing. With the end of the 1960s near, it’s clear that Roger’s recognized he needs to evolve. Maybe he dances with Miss Codfish Ball tonight? Let’s come back at 10pm to find out.

04.22.12

by Michael R. Hall

Mad Men Live Blog: Season 5, Episode 6 – “Far Away Places”

Final Score: Jessica Pare wins the night! She'll now be referred to by her rightful character name of Megan. Megan was believable at the office, on the ride upstate, and at the HoJo's. She's a heck of a lot better than JJ in the role of Don's better half. Now that I'm warming up to Don and Megan's relationship, of course, the next episode will challenge it more.

Don's now been warned by Bert Cooper that he's lost his focus at work. This is the turning point for Don Draper. This is what will get him back in the board room, back at pitches, caring about his job. It's been six episodes in this season. It's time for Don to go back to work.

Thanks for reading! See you next week.

11:03 PM: Roger is ecstatic that his relationship with Peyton List is over. Will Don join him soon?

11:02 PM: Bert Cooper to Don: "You've been on love leave." He finally calls out Don for ignoring his job.

11:01 PM: I'll just point out that when Don was with Faye/Fay, he was swimming regularly and rallying against Big Tobacco. Jessica Pare is bad for him.

11:00 PM: Don chases Jessica Pare around the apartment. He is very out of shape. This was a confusing end to this week's episode.

10:58 PM: Jessica Pare made her own way back to New York and barred the door. Don broke it down. This is looking like a hate love moment.

10:57 PM: And Don's having his own flashback to his L.A. trip, after proposing to Jessica Pare. Insert perfunctory riot comment.

10:55 PM: And it's a final in Vancouver, where the L.A. Kings have knocked off the Canucks. Insert perfunctory riot comment.

10:52 PM: Don is still in the HoJo's restaurant. He told a police officer that his wife's been missing, and the officer said he'd keep an eye out for her. At no point did Don give the officer a description of his wife, so what exactly is the officer watching for? Every female in the town?

10:50 PM: If Jessica Pare's character was actually kidnapped, it might be more emotionally scarring if we cared about her character. It's not Jessica Pare's fault. She just takes us away from Don.

10:48 PM: Jessica Pare did run away! Or did she get kidnapped? Don the detective finds her sunglasses in the parking lot of the HoJo's.

10:47 PM: We're back to Don, driving fast and angrily in upstate New York. Oh wait, he drove back to the HoJo's. Maybe he wants more orange sherbet.

10:44 PM: I really, really hate this deceptive State Farm commercial about life insurance. It's the commercial where the wife talks about how the husband's life insurance is allowing her kid to go to college, and then the husband pops out of nowhere. Maybe it's a hallucination!

10:42 PM: Jessica Pare to Don during their fight: "Maybe you call your mother." This was a low blow, even for Jessica Pare. Don drives away from the HoJo's without Jessica Pare. Is this the end of Jessica Pare?

10:41 PM: Don is trying to make an ad campaign for Howard Johnson's, but Jessica Pare is now upset that Don gets to work on his Howard Johnson's stuff while she couldn't finish the Heinz pitch.

10:39 PM: On the ride up to Howard Johnson's, Don starts smoking, so Jessica Pare does a fake cough and gets him to open his window. I remember doing the same when I was riding with other parents in youth soccer.

10:38 PM: We're on to Don and Jessica Pare's timeline. Jessica Pare clearly wants to stay and help with Peggy's Heinz presentation. Don just does not care and wants to drive up to Howard Johnson's instead, which is starting to seem more and more off-putting as the season progresses.

10:37 PM: Roger didn't imagine the discussion! His tolerance to LSD is stronger than Peyton List's. All those years of alcohol abuse have paid off.

10:33 PM: Back to Roger in post-LSD land. Roger remembers their break-up discussion. Peyton List does not. Uh-oh. Did he imagine the whole discussion?

10:32 PM: Does the University of Farmers award MBAs?

10:31 PM: Peyton List to Roger: "You don't like me." Roger to Peyton List: "I did. I really did." Of course, they both just took LSD, so who knows if this is real or not?

10:30 PM: Peyton List: "All I think about is having an affair." Roger seems disappointed in her that she hasn't. She's not up to his standards.

10:28 PM: Roger Sterling is now imagining that he's at the 1919 World Series. His wife's mother may not have been alive then.

10:26 PM: Don Draper is now telling Roger to end it with Peyton List? Or get back with her? I dunno, because I was hallucinating a better plot device.

10:24 PM: Roger's now hallucinating that the bottle of alcohol and the cigarette are talking to him. This is going to lead him to a great new ad campaign!

10:23 PM: Roger is about to drop LSD with the college prof. The prof and his wife are waxing romantic about taking drugs. Roger's one-liner: "You always say I never take you anywhere."

10:22 PM: Peyton List is at a college professor's dinner party with Roger.

10:21 PM: A full episode of The Pitch is available now on iTunes! Alternately, jobs in advertising are wildly available.

10:17 PM: This entire season of Mad Men is sponsored by Chrysler. And therefore, by the taxpayers who lost $1.3 billion in the Chrysler bailout. So, the taxpayers indirectly sponsored Peggy's obscene day at the movies. America.

10:15 PM: Ah, I get it! This episode is a flashback of the same day, told from different characters' perspectives. Roger is begging Don to join in on a boys' trip to upstate New York. Don insists on taking Jessica Pare. Surprise.

10:14 PM: And nothing happens with MICHAEL GINSBERG and Peggy, so Peggy calls the beatnik and says "I always need you." This is a little Peggy day, huh?

10:13 PM: There's some back story discussion going on about MICHAEL GINSBERG, and blah blah blah. The point is that MICHAEL GINSBERG and Peggy are working a late night in the office, alone.

10:11 PM: Dawn, Don's secretary, just awoke Peggy by calling her "Ms. Olson." Their sleepover was a little too racist for Dawn's taste.

10:10 PM: Peggy is now washing up after the movies. Because of the warning at the beginning of the episode. I remember when she was President Bartlet's daughter. So innocent.

10:09 PM: The strange man just made a move on Peggy, to which she responds inappropriately. This must be what the warning was about at the beginning of the episode.

10:07 PM: Peggy just was kicked off the Heinz account for telling the Heinz rep that she was right and he was wrong. She's taking out her anger by going to the movies alone. And then smoking marijuana with a strange man. This is not an advisable way of dealing with setbacks at work.

10:06 PM: Peggy to Heinz: "You just like fighting." People from Pittsburgh love to fight!

10:05 PM: Peggy to Heinz: "It's the beans that brought them together." Beans have seldom brought people together for long. Unless it's windy.

10:04 PM: Don and Jessica Pare ditch Peggy on her Heinz presentation, leaving her to run the show. On one hand, Peggy is uplifted by Don's confidence in her. On the other, Peggy still hates Jessica Pare. As do we all.

10:02 PM: Beatnik to Peggy: "I'm your boyfriend, not a focus group!" This show is sponsored by Mercedes-Benz.

10:01 PM: Peggy's beatnik boyfriend is a loser, plain and simple. Peggy looks kind of cute in the morning, though! And she knows how pretty she looks, which is why she immediately threatens to dump the beatnik.

10:00 PM: We're going to get "adult content" tonight on Mad Men. Every other night involving drinking and visiting ladies of the night is just PG-13.

9:58 PM: Choosing between The Dark Knight on TNT and The Killing on AMC is easy. Choosing anything over The Killing is easy. It's the bleakest painting in the entire store.

9:01 PM: "I take full responsibility." This is Peggy's one line in the preview for Episode 506. For what could she take responsibility, especially so late at night in the office? The likely answer is that she's breaking up with the beatnik reporter and going out instead with MICHAEL GINSBERG, the loudest ad man ever. Peggy feels empowered in the office, which is why she'll have her difficult phone call with the beatnik there and not talk with him in person. Why would she need to talk with him in person? Don Draper would never stoop so low in his prime.

Pete's storyline will also be interesting tonight. Will there be any development from last week's fight between Pete and Lane? Mad Men developed these siloed episodes in Season 4 where one character would grow while everything else stood still. I hope Pete's storyline develops tonight, because he's at his best when his life is at its worst.

See you at 10pm Eastern!

04.15.12

by Michael R. Hall

Mad Men Live Blog: Season 5, Episode 5 – “Signal 30″

Final Score: Lane wins, even though Joan turned him down. Why? Because Lane punched Pete right in the face! In the face!

Pete loses his dignity at home, at work, and even at driver's ed, where he loses the affections of someone who get drunk on vanilla extract. What's notable is that John Slattery directed tonight's episode, which means that Roger beat up Pete, too.

This episode doesn't advance Mad Men's overall plot. It's a one-off that destroys Pete as a man, but Pete's been destroyed before and comes back strong. The Mad Men team just wanted to have a night at the fights. In seven days, everything will be reset.

Thanks for reading! See you next week.

11:04 PM: Peggy says "I take full responsibility" in the next episode preview. It's clear she will have a fling with MICHAEL GINSBERG!

11:03 PM: Mad Men's getting into the habit of this voice-over package at the end of its episodes. Not a fan. I'd rather have a cold close.

11:02 PM: Ken's still writing!

11:01 PM: Sad Pete to Don: "Why are we having a fight? At work? We're supposed to be friends." Pete has evidently never worked.

11:00 PM: Ken to Peggy: "Ben Hargrove is dead." Evidently, Ken would rather be a rich salesman than a poor artist.

10:59 PM: After winning his fight, Lane goes for the big prize – Joan! He swoops in for a kiss, and Joan…opens the door! To his office, not her heart.

10:58 PM: Lane is on his couch, recovering from the fight. He's hurt, but that good hurt which comes from winning!

10:56 PM: We're getting a Mohegan Sun ad in New England. It's the incredible story of how five attractive singles check in alone, and within a day, become fast friends, going to concerts and dinner and gambling! This has not been my casino experience.

10:54 PM: Jon Hamm follows up the awesome fight by telling us about the patents of Mercedes-Benz. Buzz kill.

10:52 PM: Lane beats up Pete! He hit him right in the face! Roger: "I had Lane." Bert Cooper: "Reschedule the meeting."

10:51 PM: Pete and Lane are about to fight. Roger: "I know cooler heads should prevail, but am I the only one who wants to see this?" Pete is awful at the fighting thing and Lane is much faster.

10:50 PM: Bert Cooper is rubbing Roger's shoulders at the partners' meeting while talking about Nixon entering the 1968 presidential race. No comment.

10:48 PM: Roger admonishes Ken for writing at night, mainly because Roger's book didn't succeed. Remember that? Back when Peyton List was on the show?

10:46 PM: AT&T's ad for Genco Services (an energy services firm? in Texas?) seems like what would have happened if Vito Corleone had emigrated to Houston.

10:43 PM: Pete sneaks back into his villa in Cos Cob, upon which he immediately gets in the shower. Finally! The women of this era have the sense of smell, but only in this episode has that been acknowledged.

10:42 PM: The SCDP men get the Jaguar man's business by showing him a "fun" time. This method will not appear on The Pitch.

10:41 PM: Don calls the matron's place a "whorehouse." The matron likes Don's honesty and buys him drinks. Honesty is the best policy.

10:39 PM: Of the four men at the fancy brothel (Jaguar man, Pete, Roger, and Don), only Don hasn't made a purchase. Pete required several different come-on lines before accepting the phrase "You're my king."

10:37 PM: The Jaguar man wants to commit adultery, and the men of SCDP are more than happy to help.

10:33 PM: A high school jock joins driver's ed and swoops in on Pete's high school crush. Quote the jock: "My name is Hanson, but everyone calls me handsome." He's going to Holy Cross.

10:31 PM: Lane is kindly reprimanded by Roger and Pete for not closing the Jaguar deal. The scene shifts to driver's ed, where Pete's going to close the deal with the high school student.

10:30 PM: Why is Jessica Pare so cheery? Is it because she's a Quebecois? She really, really loved watching Don fixed that sink.

10:29 PM: Don is now fixing Pete Campbell's broken kitchen drain. With his (dress) shirt off. Don is a handyman, Pete is emasculated. This post is sponsored by Mercedes and its excellent flow meters.

10:27 PM: Don to the dinner party: "No one grows up wanting to be in advertising." This post is sponsored by Mercedes and its thousands of patents.

10:25 PM: Jessica Pare to Ken's wife upon finding out her name: "(SMILE!)" Now, Ken's wife is going on and on about Ken's story, and like the rest of the party, I am falling asleep.

10:24 PM: We're back at the dinner party. Ken is from Vermont. Like all good writers.

10:23 PM: Jon Hamm tells us to buy a Mercedes because of its many patents. I'm going to take a guess that every car company has thousands of patents. My Ford Escape has a patent – on awesome!

10:20 PM: Lane admits to his fellow Englishman that he was a supply agent in the war. He's Chester A. Arthur, the 21st U.S. President! Did you know that Chester Arthur opted out of joining the Civil War as a combat leader when given the chance? Courage is key in our leaders.

10:19 PM: Pete is such a transparent brown-noser. Is this what people do? Do people ask co-workers over just to flatter them?

10:17 PM: Ken's wife looks about a decade older than Ken. Pete lives in Cos Cob, apparently.

10:16 PM: Pete just invited the high school student on a date to his family's botanical gardens. I'd bet that Trudy's OK with that.

10:15 PM: Pete to high school student: "Aren't you going to Ohio State?" Who from Greenwich is going to college at Ohio State?

10:13 PM: Trudy to Don about the party: "Do you want to go down your list of excuses?" Trudy is a better salesperson than Pete. Meanwhile, Pete is hitting on a high school student.

10:12 PM: Roger gives Lane actual good advice about Jaguar's RFP. His quote about Dr. Scholl's hits home: "I once got a guy from Dr. Scholl's to write the thing." It sounds like dating advice, but isn't all business just dating?

10:10 PM: Ken Cosgrove tells Peggy he's getting published under the pen name Ben Hargrove. Per a Google search, "Ben Hargrove" works at a behavioral center in Orlando. Perhaps the writing didn't work out.

10:08 PM: Don to Jessica Pare about Pete and Trudy's dinner invite: "She got this far by subterfuge. She'll understand when you pull the plug." Don sees a spy in Alison Brie.

10:07 PM: Lane is happy about bringing in Jaguar, or bringing Jaguar for an intro. He's going to handle it because he's English and the other guy is English, and since England just won the World Cup, every Englishman likes another.

10:04 PM: Friend of Lane: "We beat the bloody Jerrys for the World Cup! It's the end of football!" Oh, if only he knew…

10:03 PM: Lane and Wife of Lane are arguing over going to watch a football match. This is the year England wins the World Cup!

10:02 PM: Correction: Pete's going to hit on a teenager he met in driver's ed.

10:01 PM: Prediction: Pete Campbell's going to crash into something while getting his driver's license.

10:00 PM: "On the next episode of AMC's The Killing: Gray skies!"

9:59 PM: Chef Not Marcela won Chopped. On to Mad Men!

9:55 PM: Chopped is concluding its B-team Food Network hosts battle. How awkward is it for the judges to be more famous than the competitors? I guess I'll root for Chef Marcela since she's the only one whose show I've actually seen.

9:53 PM: Don Draper is back from his illness and Madchen Amick is still alive. How is she still in her 40s? It feels like she's been acting for decades. She's young enough to replace Jessica Pare. Hmm.

It's not Jessica Pare's fault that her character's landed Don. I just want Don to be single, because he's more entertaining when he's single. He's not the type to want to get married to anyone.

Anyway, "Signal 30" is tonight's title, and per the wisdom of Google, "Signal 30" was the name of a highway accident shock video shown to drivers in training. Maybe this is for Pete, if he's decided to get his license? Maybe he'll collide with JJ as he practices driving in suburbia.

Here we go!

04.08.12

by Michael R. Hall

Mad Men Live Blog: Season 5, Episode 4 – “Mystery Date”

Final Score: Joan wins the week and possibly forever for finally dumping Dr. R-Word. She is awarded +1 billion points. Mad Men could end on a high note now, with Joan removing the worst character ever from the show. Don also did well tonight, wiping out his adulterous demons with one squeeze (and one late-night body dump by Jessica Pare). All in all, it was a good day at SCDP.

Let's get Joan back to the office and back with Roger next week! Or Don. I'm now open to Joan replacing Jessica Pare, and I think Joan would help with the imaginary body dump, too.

See you next week!

11:01 PM: Joan tells Dr. R-Word that's he an R-word. Dr. R-Word: "If I walk out that door, that's it." Joan: "That's it." Three seasons too late.

11:00 PM: Don to Jessica Pare re: his indiscretions: "You don't have to worry about me." Jessica Pare to Don: "I know…I spent last night burying the lady in yellow's body."

10:58 PM: Ohhhh, soooo close to avoiding JJ in this episode. Sally's drugged out under the bed, while Don's drugged out in his bed. The Drapers love drugs!

10:57 PM: I'm going to assume that Don's imagining the lady in yellow, because he's probably not going hide a dead body under his bed. Cold medicine makes people do strange things.

10:55 PM: There's a Smirnoff commercial about dancers with one goal in life: backing up Madonna. This is an excellent ad to run during Mad Men.

10:52 PM: Laura on the J.C. Penney commercial with the bunny rabbits: "Bunnies!" We like bunnies here.

10:50 PM: Dr. R-Word to Joan: "Open this door or I'll kick it down!" There's the Dr. R-Word we all know and hate.

10:49 PM: Grandma Francis gives Sally the background info on why the nurses were murdered. Sally is really scared, so Grandma Francis shows Sally the large knife she's storing under the couch cushion. Grandma Francis then gives Sally some drugs. All in all, it's another normal interaction in the Francis household.

10:48 PM: Dawn is VERY uncomfortable in Peggy's apartment.

10:47 PM: Peggy to Dawn: "Do you think I act like a man?" Dawn to Peggy: "Stop bothering me! I was fine sleeping at the office."

10:45 PM: Yes, my sole reason for hoping that the lady in yellow isn't real is because Don can do better. Jessica Pare can do better, too.

10:43 PM: Don sees the lady in yellow again in his bedroom. Do hallucinations happen with the common cold? It better be a hallucination, because Don could do better than her.

10:39 PM: Peggy's taking Dawn home for the evening! How I wish that referred to the other Don.

10:36 PM: Turns out that Dr. R-Word volunteered to go back to Vietnam. This certainly means he'll be shot on this tour of duty. Score one for Roger!

10:34 PM: Grandma Francis turned off Sally's TV, then regaled her with a story of child abuse. All in all, it's the most civil discourse the Francis home has seen in years.

10:32 PM: Did Don just hallucinate the lady in yellow invading his apartment?

10:28 PM: Miller 64 is performance beer for performers. Have you earned a Miller 64 today?

10:25 PM: Peggy was blowing up her weekend for Roger's pocket change, but then extorts him for all the money in his pockets. Roger is the kid who gets beaten up for his lunch money. Fortunately for him, he has a lot of money to lose.

10:24 PM: Pete to Roger: "LBJ et cetera." Roger to Pete: "What?"

10:23 PM: Don's master bedroom looks like a canary prison cell.

10:22 PM: Don to MICHAEL GINSBERG: "Everything I say has 'or else' after it."

10:20 PM: MICHAEL GINSBERG sells the account at the pitch meeting! Then, MICHAEL GINSBERG messes it up by mentioning his own idea about Cinderella! MICHAEL GINSBERG is in it for MICHAEL GINSBERG. Don will devour him as a lozenge.

10:16 PM: Dr. R-Word to Joan: "I need to store up as much of you as possible." In addition to being an R-word, he's now a cannibal.

10:15 PM: Dr. R-Word is rested from his re-acquaintance with Joan. But now, Dr. R-Word needs to tell Joan something. He'll be gone for another year.

10:14 PM: Grandma Francis just smacked Sally Draper's hand. Somehow, this is JJ's fault, even if she's not in this episode.

10:13 PM: Don to Jessica Pare: "I'm going to be with you until I die." Even Jessica Pare doesn't believe that.

10:12 PM: Jessica Pare is still upset that Don met someone at work decades ago. Jessica Pare should remember how Jessica Pare got a starring role in Season 5.

10:09 PM: Dr. R-Word is back home! And Joan's mom just wants Joan and Dr. R-Word to get reacquianted. What skills has Dr. R-Word learned in the service?

10:08 PM: Don is self-medicating his cold with a cigarette.

10:07 PM: Sally to father Don about watching TV: "I'm on vacation!" Don to Sally: "I've been on vacation since I started my professional career."

10:06 PM: Meanwhile, back at Joan's apartment, the war still goes on. Armament. Etc. Joan's mom is convinced that Dr. R-Word got a little strange on the side. Joan's mom, meet Joan.

10:04 PM: MICHAEL GINSBERG still likes Don, cough and all! MICHAEL GINSBERG is a generous man.

10:01 PM: Hey, Don has an endless cough…and an endless supply of ex-girlfriends. Why is Jessica Pare surprised?

10:00 PM: I am very excited that MICHAEL GINSBERG is on this week's episode! MICHAEL GINSBERG and Peggy will definitely hook up soon.

9:58 PM: And Seattle cheers collectively! The Killing is over! Onto Mad Men, right now!

9:56 PM: Is The Killing so depressing that the mayor's ending it all with a campaign pin? I could understand it.

9:46 PM: Is it dark and raining? It must be The Killing!

9:33 PM: It's finally time for Don to get back in the boardroom this week. Mohawk awaits his brilliance. It's finally time for Joan to get back in the office this week. Roger (and Don?) need her leadership. It's finally, finally time for Roger and Pete to fight each other, and given Roger's age and Pete's prissiness, I think it'll be a fair fight.

Let's hope for lots of Don, no January Jones, and just enough Jessica Pare to keep the marriage charade going another week.